Finding Light after Loss

Question: I have a personal question that I think many women would benefit from the answer. How did you pick yourself up from a terrible time in your life and start on your journey to create CTMH, instead of wallowing in the sadness? I know so many women who get stuck and can't find their way out, even with faith. I would love to know how you made your way through the fog. --submitted by Crafty Texan, August 29, 9:22 am

Answer: Wow. This question has so many layers, and I wish I could address them all because I know so many women struggle with heartbreak, loneliness, and hardship and are looking for light but may feel lost. For simplicity and space purposes, I'll share just some of my brief thoughts.

First, as context: for those of you who do not know my story, there was a time in my twenties when I found myself single and with two children. The fledgling company I had started had been taken from me and I literally had little more than a shoebox of materials and just a few dollars in my wallet. I had never dreamed I would be in such a position. It was a scary time…but it was also a time of great blessings, bonding with my children, and being given strength I only imagined possible.

How did I move past the initial fears, uncertainty, and shock of that time instead of getting "stuck"? Well, if you know me, then you know I am not a natural "wallower." But I DO believe in giving yourself appropriate time to process a loss — as human beings, we must have time to grieve or cry or shake our fists, or the pain just gets buried and follows us around like a cloud, waiting for a downpour when we're least prepared for it.

During this hardship, I gave myself a defined length of time to feel sad. To cry. And then, I told myself, I would be done with it. I had children to provide for. Food to put on the table. And I needed to prove to myself and the world that I could not be discarded, that I had value.

This same approach has benefitted me again and again, personally and professionally. If I have a challenge at work, I give myself an hour to be frustrated — then I'm done and ready to move forward. If someone has deeply hurt my feelings, I'll allow myself a day to let it sting — then I'm refreshed and won't harbor it. I really believe that acknowledging pain, giving it an inch but not a mile, is the only way to stay emotionally healthy and well. I regularly paraphrase Scarlett O'Hara to say that "tomorrow will be another day" — and it will be a day where I choose to put setbacks or hurt or fear behind me, because there is much to do.

That's always been my approach, and it saved me during the life-changing events of my twenties. Even so, I will tell you that I couldn't have done it by myself. I was single, but never alone. My reliance on my Heavenly Father and willingness to give Him my sorrow gave me comfort then, and gives me comfort today.